The Lord, Yeshua/Jesus, My Elohim(God) has healed me of my depression, helped in my self-image, as well as healing and restoration with forgiveness and submission.
I was healed of my depression that I was diagnosed with when I was very young, as I had briefly mentioned within my Testimony. I have been completely healed and off of medication for 5 years! This did however take laboring on my part, but it was ultimately Yeshua who healed me. Depression was just a symptom of deeper rooted issues.
Since getting on the medication at a young age, I believe the age of 13 or 14, there were many times that I had not only wanted but tried to get to a point where I no longer would need it. There were brief periods of time that I tried, and had to be off for a short time before I had joined the military in 1999(of which I am no longer apart of). The longest I was able to go off was about 6 months, however, this is also when my drinking would increase. Once I was delivered from drinking and began my walk with Messiah, it was not until up about 6 years ago that I really wanted to be healed of this, and fully off of the medication.
I did a lot of praying and eventually the Lord had spoke to me telling me it was almost time for my healing and started to help me dig deeper into the root problems of where my depression came from; as most illnesses and diseases are spiritually rooted. Prior to this point, I had again tried to get off my medication, and I began to realize that all these years the medication was simply a suppressant of demonic oppression. I began to have thoughts of suicide, which I knew were demonic, and I felt a very strong heaviness. Both my husband and I knew that there was a lot more going on with my depression then we realized. So, I got back on the medication and sought the Lord out for healing and deliverance from the oppression that I had been suppressing for so many years.
Once Yah knew I was ready He started to speak to me through His Spirit and had me start to ween off of the medication and started to show me the spiritual roots of my depression, which were: fear of abandonment, self-rejection, and self-hate. These roots had manifested in many other behaviors throughout my life, and caused much devastation. Not having a stable home life was a major contributor especially not having a strong male role model in my life, as my father and my mother divorced when I was 3 years of age.
Biblically speaking the father is supposed to be the head of the household, and is responsible for the spiritual welfare of the family. It is the father that is responsible for his daughter’s value system and her self esteem. This is even proven within many studies, and I am living proof of it, and the consequences are devastating. This is also true if a father is physically, sexually, mentally abusive to his children. My mother also plays a role in this, as she unknowingly encouraged a negative self body image.
I want to share what it sates about depression in a book I have called: ‘A More Excellent Way’ by Henry W. Wright:
“Prozac and other drugs used to treat depression are designed to increase your self-esteem. A lack of self-esteem is the root problem.
Lack of self-esteem, self-rejection, self-hatred and guilt are very damaging to the human spirit and are many times caused by a father, although in some cases it can be the mother. Somewhere, there has been a lack of nurturing in childhood. Sometimes it can be inherited because lack of nurturing has not been there from generation to generation.” pg. 23-24
The Lord had showed this to me well before reading this in this book. However this pretty much nails it right on head. Now, this is not ‘throw your parents under the bus time’, however, in order to fully understand the roots you have to go to the causes of how the roots got there. It started with my parents, and the choices that they made. I am also aware that my parents, just like me, have had events happen in their lives. So, as I have had healing, and forgiveness bestowed upon me from my Savior, as well as compassion, mercy and grace, I can now give my parents the same through Yeshua Messiah.
Col 3:12Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; 13Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. 14And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.(KJV)
What it truly boils down to is that these are the effects of sin, and this is what sin does, it causes death and destruction. Hate, un-forgiveness, and bitterness are sin, whether they be harboring against oneself, or another, and many diseases and illnesses are a direct result. If you cannot love yourself, neither can you love your neighbor as yourself, nor can you love Yah with all your heart, mind soul and strength.
♦Lev 19:17Thou shalt not hate thy brother(or thyself) in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him. 18Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD(YHWH). (KJV)
♦1 John 3:15Whosoever hateth his brother (or thyself) is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.(KJV)
This is why I was having thoughts (that were not my own) of suicide, because this is a spirit of murder, and it had legal right to affect me as I was dealing with hate against myself, and it was suppressed by the anti-depression medication.
So, the ultimate root goes back to sin, and reaping what we sow. What we sow according to the flesh, will reap to the flesh, and what we reap to the Spirit, we sow to the Spirit. The choices that we make not only effect ourselves, but those around us, especially our family.
Galatians 6:7Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting(KJV)
I have had multiple periods in my life where I have had to go through healing and forgiveness for not just my parents, but myself as well. Even though the roots started back then, I caused myself much damage and destruction due to the choices I made. I have mutilated my body through tattoos, piercings, cutting on myself, drank myself to almost the point of death etc., this is all tied into self-hate and rejection, and self-esteem. I have had to reap the consequences of my choices.
Yahweh has graciously been healing me over many years, and just like with any wound, depending on the severity, takes time to be healed. And like many of us, I have had many wounds. The most amazing part of all of this to be honest is not that I have been set free from depression, but that because Yeshua loves me so much, He has given me His love in order that I may be able to love myself, love others, and in return love Him the way He deserves to be loved. I am unable to do anything of myself, nor in my own strength. I have had to do much repenting and submitting to the Lord in many areas of my life, and these areas were some of the most difficult. I love both my father and my mother and have forgiven them as well as myself.
Another amazing part of my healing was that the Lord had Tony, my husband, help me in being delivered from depression as it had to come full circle in my healing. Tony is the spiritual head of our household and I had to fully trust him, as well as fully trust my heavenly Father. I have had to learn the proper healthy foundation of the family, being fully established on the Rock, He who holds everything together, and submit to Him, as well as my husband, learning to trust him, and leading our family. This has also been a part of my healing with these issues.
Ephesians 5:22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: (KJV)
While we are responsible for the choices that we make every day, we also are responsible for the consequences of those choices. We can choose to forgive, or we can choose to hold on to those who have caused us damage and hurt. When we do not submit the areas that the Lord calls us to, or we do not treat people the way that we ought to because of things that we have not fully been healed from they will cause damage to those around. This is why not only forgiveness is so important, but truly learning how to love yourself, love others and love Elohim.
♦Mark 12:28And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all? 29And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: 30And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. 31And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these. (KJV)
♦Deut 6:4Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: 5And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. (KJV)
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